Know me more..

I pick pretty things. I lose them. I am not sorry. My bones are broken instruments waiting to be heard by the deaf.  

My mouth stinks and I drool while sleeping. I still hug a little brown bear which has "I love you, Mom" written on it. Honestly? I don't care for it. I don't want to feel the absence of someone beside me.  I am not sorry.

People tend to run to me for advices. Tell you what? I am the last person you have to run to for advices. I suck at advising someone. I lend them. You have to give it back. I am not sorry at all.

When I am alone, which I am for 17 out of 24 hours, I think of you. I think of you even when I am not alone. I have managed to push you into the back of my head, somehow. I know you don't need me anymore, but I do. And I will cling onto you, like a creeper to the pole. I think of the number of things I'd do to you, if I was there. But I won't be there. I'll never be there. I am fat kid stuck on the slide. I can't move. I am sorry.

I used to smoke, drink and lie. I came home drunk a number of times. I cursed my parents when they weren't looking.  I am not sorry.

I am not sorry I was moving on the bed and breathing heavily when he pinned all those wires on my head to see if I was normal. It hurt. I was fucking uncomfortable. The beds were not clean. My head hurt. He shone light in my eyes. It hurt.  I am not sorry.

I prefer my father over my mother. But if I had an option that said "None" I would mark on it, like a confident teenager in an exam. I wouldn't fail. And I am not sorry.

I love people. I hate people. I don't know what I want. I want pink, I want black. I want you broken, I want you smiling. I want her to be mine, I want her to stay away. I am insecure. I push people away. I am sorry. I can't change who I am.

I write. I write about myself. I write about you. I write about her. I write about your best friend. I write about my imaginary friend. I am not sorry.

I still have an imaginary friend who doesn't have a name. He's gone now. He'll be back. I hurt him. I am not sorry.

I don't pretend. If I don't like you, I don't like you. I am not sorry.

I change best friends more often than they change their minds. I am not sorry.

I don't want to go back and live my childhood once again. I want to live away. I want to live more. I want to live longer.

I am arrogant. I complain. I don't make resolutions. I am not sorry.

I like myself. I keep to myself. I am an introvert and I am happy I am one. I am not sorry at all.

I like to win arguments. I need to win arguments. So don't pick up one with me. I won't be sorry.

I need attention and once I receive it, I don't need it anymore. I am sorry.

I don't watch the news. I don't read the newspaper. I don't think media deserves that kind of attention anymore. I don't think media deserves my attention. I am not sorry. In fact I want to make sure, I fuck it over.

I love Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs equally. I love Christians too, just a little intolerant. Most of them are nice. I am not sorry though. I am never sorry for this.

I spend dad's money on clothes and shoes and don't wear them enough. I don't thank him enough. I am sorry.

I scream at mummy a lot. I scream at daddy. I am sorry.

I make sure I stay up every day until 3 in the night and see how early I can wake up. I have never woken up before 10 during the holidays. I am not sorry.

I am sorry, I say "Goodnight" and spend time with myself.

I don't say "I love you" , "Thank you" "Please" enough. I am not sorry. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be using them.

I am sorry I was collecting pebbles and dropping diamonds on the way. I have not gone back to pick them up yet.