Misery

If I had a flower for each time I thought of you, I'd have a garden by now.

See, I don't know you but I could feel you.
I could hear your silent breathing,
struggling, kicking, moving.
You wouldn't stay still.
If you were here right now, beside me,
I'd build you castles.
You'd be royalty.
Or maybe I'd hate you.
Screw your life for eternity.

Even now I see you,
in my daymares,
suffering and dying.
I'm sorry I couldn't hold you,
tell you how much I love you
and save us both of this misery.

Maybe you'd hate me,
And ask your friends to do the same,
or every night you'd hold me,
and softly call out my name.
 Believe me when I tell you,
you are the best thing that happened to me,
but I couldn't save you,
and now you're History.

Believe me when I tell you,
you are the worst thing that happened to me,
But I still wish I saved you,
saved you from this misery. 

To Robyn - Dedication

When the night has come
And the land is dark
And the moon is the only light we see
No I won't be afraid
No I won't be afraid
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me

If the sky that we look upon
Should tumble and fall
And the mountain should crumble to the sea
I won't cry, I won't cry
No I won't shed a tear
Just as long as you stand, stand by me

And darling, darling stand by me
Oh, stand by me
Stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Whenever you're in trouble won't you stand by me
Oh, now, now, stand by me
Oh, stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Darling, darling stand by me
Stand by me
Oh stand by me, stand by me, stand by me

Robyn, this is for you. Thanks for always standing by me. For being my best friend, my sister and the most awesome person on Earth. To this day, I have your name etched upon my skin :) Love you and don't ever call yourself terrible again. <3

Cousin David's Confession - Part 1

My cousin David, he lay amongst passion flowers, arms spread wide.
His jacket  hugged him, on this cold winter's night.
Soft tears flowed from his almond shaped eyes.
Unheard and silent his cries. Shy. Beautiful.
He turned to me and said
"Who said funerals are sad events? Why must I mourn for the dead?
If I held your hand while breathing my last, I'd die a happy man.
If you were the one who kisses me before I begin to cease, could I hold that moment forever, please?
Build my coffin, choose my wood. Write my eulogy, mention my good.
Who said funerals were supposed to be sad? I could never properly mourn for the dead.
Take my eyes, mourn for me instead."
They looked at him and glanced at me,
"He's your cousin, why invite a Greek tragedy?
Vicious, fatal and mean
a man like him, better unseen"
I mourned that day, not because Uncle Ben died,
I mourned because my tears longed for eyes,
I wanted to see, laugh and smile,
at my cousin's beautiful sight.
I've never mourned at death, I've mourned for me.
I've mourned at my cousin's painful plea.

Brick Castles

So forget it. There is no turning back. I have built a castle around us.

It surrounds us. Brick by brick, I slowly built. No fire, no rain will bring us down.

Claustrophobic, maybe, your mind but catastrophic is my love.

Gentle tidal waves crash against our broken strings,

You, my Moon, still smiling.

I don't want you to come crawling back to me,

but it would be nice.

I don't want us to "Stop, drop and roll"

But I would set fire to see what could happen.

And those little things I did,

those little meals I cooked,

I cooked myself to you each time. A little of myself.

You are not the vegetarian you claim to be, after all.

I will free the Devil if God asks me to,

but I would trap God in our sticky web if you wanted.

I'm not an atheist but with you, there is no God.

I'm not a violent person but with you, I'd fight wars.

I wake up and pray myself unto you, each morning,

pray myself, onto you.

I shake the universe, wake up!

I'm still here, hanging to the past,

hanging, handing. I'm scared...

I'm scared that if I let go, I'll fall somewhere I don't want to.

So I cling. I am a creeper and you are the pole,

you are the pole. Six feet tall.

You are the pole built into our brick wall.

I trip on stones I never knew existed until now.

Huge ones. Boulders. I crash and yet I move to find a way,

a way to you. It's the Road Not Taken.

Guess you've built a wall.

Well then, break it down.

Come crawling back, you slimy pest.

Don't you see how miserable I've become.

I haven't cooked, I write wasted rhymes. For what?!

For you!?

I've cried enough, I don't have enough tissues,

lend me your towels. I can't promise to bring them back.

I've cried enough, my eyes are wet,

blow me to life. 

It's so hard to say goodbye, I'll admit..

but a few have to be said.

I have built, for you, castles in mid air,

I forgot to lay the basic foundation, I was misled.

Know me more..

I pick pretty things. I lose them. I am not sorry. My bones are broken instruments waiting to be heard by the deaf.  

My mouth stinks and I drool while sleeping. I still hug a little brown bear which has "I love you, Mom" written on it. Honestly? I don't care for it. I don't want to feel the absence of someone beside me.  I am not sorry.

People tend to run to me for advices. Tell you what? I am the last person you have to run to for advices. I suck at advising someone. I lend them. You have to give it back. I am not sorry at all.

When I am alone, which I am for 17 out of 24 hours, I think of you. I think of you even when I am not alone. I have managed to push you into the back of my head, somehow. I know you don't need me anymore, but I do. And I will cling onto you, like a creeper to the pole. I think of the number of things I'd do to you, if I was there. But I won't be there. I'll never be there. I am fat kid stuck on the slide. I can't move. I am sorry.

I used to smoke, drink and lie. I came home drunk a number of times. I cursed my parents when they weren't looking.  I am not sorry.

I am not sorry I was moving on the bed and breathing heavily when he pinned all those wires on my head to see if I was normal. It hurt. I was fucking uncomfortable. The beds were not clean. My head hurt. He shone light in my eyes. It hurt.  I am not sorry.

I prefer my father over my mother. But if I had an option that said "None" I would mark on it, like a confident teenager in an exam. I wouldn't fail. And I am not sorry.

I love people. I hate people. I don't know what I want. I want pink, I want black. I want you broken, I want you smiling. I want her to be mine, I want her to stay away. I am insecure. I push people away. I am sorry. I can't change who I am.

I write. I write about myself. I write about you. I write about her. I write about your best friend. I write about my imaginary friend. I am not sorry.

I still have an imaginary friend who doesn't have a name. He's gone now. He'll be back. I hurt him. I am not sorry.

I don't pretend. If I don't like you, I don't like you. I am not sorry.

I change best friends more often than they change their minds. I am not sorry.

I don't want to go back and live my childhood once again. I want to live away. I want to live more. I want to live longer.

I am arrogant. I complain. I don't make resolutions. I am not sorry.

I like myself. I keep to myself. I am an introvert and I am happy I am one. I am not sorry at all.

I like to win arguments. I need to win arguments. So don't pick up one with me. I won't be sorry.

I need attention and once I receive it, I don't need it anymore. I am sorry.

I don't watch the news. I don't read the newspaper. I don't think media deserves that kind of attention anymore. I don't think media deserves my attention. I am not sorry. In fact I want to make sure, I fuck it over.

I love Muslims, Hindus and Sikhs equally. I love Christians too, just a little intolerant. Most of them are nice. I am not sorry though. I am never sorry for this.

I spend dad's money on clothes and shoes and don't wear them enough. I don't thank him enough. I am sorry.

I scream at mummy a lot. I scream at daddy. I am sorry.

I make sure I stay up every day until 3 in the night and see how early I can wake up. I have never woken up before 10 during the holidays. I am not sorry.

I am sorry, I say "Goodnight" and spend time with myself.

I don't say "I love you" , "Thank you" "Please" enough. I am not sorry. In fact, I don't think I'll ever be using them.

I am sorry I was collecting pebbles and dropping diamonds on the way. I have not gone back to pick them up yet.

The Honourable Love

"I've known you," a meek voice protruded from behind Bill, who held her grocery bag close to her almost nonexistent breasts.

Bill turned out, recognizing  the voice in an instant. Flashbacks of fine weather and horse riding ran through her, star struck mind. The Honorable, beautiful, green eyed Clarissa.

The weather was dull and the rain poured for hours. The droplets slid from her beautiful straight hair and ran down her spine, sending sparks up her body. She had found the person she had been looking for, for ages. Clarissa the Hon' Carter.

"Clarissa?" 

"Wilhelmina?" Clarissa's gentle voice resonated in her ears. "Bill. Call me Bill, Clarissa" Bill grinned. 

They hugged and shed tears for all the years lost.  After sixth year, they didn't exactly meet and hang around. Contact was lost between them and so with the others. Bill had no clue where Darrell or Sally were.  To look Clarissa in the eyes and hug her meant the world. But it would take some time for Bill to come out to Clarissa. How could she tell her that Clarissa was the only person she ever wanted in life?

"How many years has it been since you rode a horse?" Clarissa modestly asked. It has been years. Their horse school had gone to ruins because they were on a shortage of money and all the horses on the ranch were dying. It was a depressing time and Clarissa went away. She ran away from all the pressure her life put her through. But she did love Bill. 

"Quite a few years. I've never rode one since.." Bill paused and took a deep breath. She bent her head and looked distant.

"..since I went away. I'm so sorry Bill" Clarissa wept. 

"That's alright. I understand." Bill smiled, though all her smiles now seemed reserved. 

"Is there anything you want to tell me, Bill?" Clarissa asked, hesitant. 

"There is a person I love," Bill shrugged. 

"Oh, so lucky." Clarissa smiled.

"I would love her. I just don't know if she loved me back, Clarissa" Bill answered through tears. Her hands trembled a bit.

"I love you Bill. I do" Clarissa smiled. 

Bill smiled. Everything was better now. Horse riding once again started. The horse school became a huge success and Bill's nieces and nephews surrounded her, riding their little ponies.

"I'd build castles in the air for you, Clarissa. I'd break them for you. I'd catch wind in my hand for you and I'd let it seep through the pores of my body just like I'd let your passion sweep through me. I would tear apart Rapunzel's hair, just so that you would have no competition. I'd hunt down faeries for you and I'd trap a million fireflies, so that when I am not around, your life lights up. I would cross the seven seas on horseback for you. I would be your Prince. I would..if you would allow me"

First Post

Hey guys, I am Aurora from Aurora's Page. Well, the other day I was talking to my friend, bestie of sorts Anvita Dulluri from At the Quill's End... . She is an amazing blogger and writer. So the discussion that sprang up was "Our childhood books". And immediatly she said "Harry Potter". I am ashamed. Harry Potter wasn't my childhood, guys. But there were books better. Books that took my imagination to a level that I could never again step down. Books that filled my childhood with a joy that it could compare to nothing.

Basically, it started with Famous Five. I received the books from my elder brother and I was like "What a bunch load of crap!!" Anyway, during the summer holidays of my second class, I started reading and did I stop? No! You can't stop. That's how brilliant the books are. I loved Blyton so much, I insisted my sister on giving me her Malory Tower series and I ate the books. I finished each book in three days and I wanted more. It became an unquenchable thrist.

My father then being the awesome guy that he is, got me classics. The Hunch Back of Notre Dame (which by the way, the disney version? What the ...!?!) David Copperfield, Huckleberry Finn, Pollyanna, Anne of Green Gables, Tom Sawyer, A Tale of Two Cities etc. Though a few of them were heavy reads for a fourth class girl, I managed. I read them even now to grasp the essence.

Then entered my life, the awesome Nancy Drew and Goosebumps. They gave me the chills. I solved Nancy's adventures with her and shed tears at goosebumps.

Later I moved on to comics like Tarzan, Phantom, Batman, Justice League (Green Latern <3) Batman and Wonderwoman etc... My favorite comics, I still remember were Powerpuff Girls.

I then read Noddy(though I was quite old then) Secret Seven, St.Claires, Amelia Jane etc.

And then I grew up and moved on Harry Potter and Twilight and what not!

But the books that I read when I was young have always made a very very deep impact on me. They remain like scars on a warrior's chest. Wonderful, wonderful, blessed with brown pages.