Wednesday 10 July 2013

Yeh Jawani Hain Deewani

Okay, so I've been planning to write this since ages but I have been procrastinating.

I've watched this movie on my birthday. Like out of all days. To people who don't know, I hate celebrating my birthdays so yeah, I get no gifts :( But then my cousins take me out and damn, I had to sit through this mess.Also, I went on a friggin trip to Dilli after that....yooohooo

'Tere liye hi toh signal tod taad ke
Aaya dilliwali girlfriend chhod chhad ke...'

Hahahaaa.

nah, i don't like that song.


No, no. People who are groaning... shhhh... take out your panties? done? good, hold onto them! Yesss... like, that!

Also, yea, I don't ever review movies, especially ones I didn't enjoy but this one bothered me cuz ... it's me! Yup, read it right. IT'S ME!


So in the beginning they show all these marriage invitations going out, fucking rich people sending out baskets of invitations but go to their house for chanda and they shake their head like fucking noddy. Anyway, Deepika is there, sitting like a motherfucking queen, smiling like she's retarded, holding onto her fucking year book which shows she still looks like the chick she was in college. *claps* Olay ki kamaaaaaall...And then like every Hindi movie, we travel back...backwards....FAIL!

Eight years ago this chick is totally wearing a skirt, a T-Shirt and looking at herself in the TV. Oh no, no, no... she isn't the popular girl..know why? SHE'S GOT GLASSES. Yeah bitch, that makes a difference. So she's all this shy and awkward girl with skinny legs, glasses, soft silky hair and face dipped in make-up like a two year old practiced his crayons on her ishh. And the glasses? Not the normal frames. The typical black big frames that nerds are supposed to wear And this is what annoyed me.

I was THAT girl. I was the socially awkward girl with glasses thicker than her brains and braces.. looking like an ugly ass motherfucker... I was THAT girl. And Deepika... guurrrl.... you FAIL at being a nerd.  I never wore skirts.. I never wore make-up and believe me, the other nerds I knew... we were two of us.. NEVER WORE THEM EITHER. So what the eff Deepika? What the bledy eff heh?

Next scene you see this white chick with the bandana on her head, Deepika's boob sized headphones hanging on her neck and shorts that show her "sexy legs" ... and her reply to Deepika's conservative mum's ques

"Tu kya karti ho beti?"
"Mei aunty? Arts!"

So yes, Arts students around the world, if you are not dressed like that... you aren't doing it right! Got it? Get it? Good.

She might have as well said

"Nahi aunty... mei shorts pehenti hun na, isliye arts le li. If I had frames like your daughter here did, I'd probably be a doctor right now"

So that's how we Arts people are. Congrats. You've figured us out. Man, here we were thinking "Choli ke piche kya hai" was composed for us.

And then comes the super hero.. Ranbir Kapoor who dances with a MILF and becomes like the hero.

"Yoo mayneee? You feeling "uncool?" .. come dance with my mummy yaar." 


So this dude, Ranbir? He isn't just a promiscuous freak show... no no beta... he also counselor.

"Naina, tum party ko aa sakte ho."

Boom, boom! Naina in the party, yo. Chashmish throws away the glasses on a freaking trip (which she hasn't told her parents about..) and starts playing with colors.

Man, so that's how they get out of social anxiety. Pssshtt...all my years of hardwork, down the drain. I should've got a 'plaayyaaa' to ask me to get off my ass.

Nerd falls in love with 'Plaaayaa'. What? What is that I hear? 'Not Another Teen Movie 2' ? Yes, yes...coming very soon beta.

So to all the 'shy' 'nerdy' girls out there who are in love with a guy who can't settle, who is busy with his life, who is all this popular and all.... just wait 8 years... ( if your conservative mummy doesn't marry you off by then) he will return like a boss.

One thing though... why can't friends make a normal entry at our weddings? Psshht. I hate my besties. Always. They make crazy entries and start singing with the guests, dancing like monkeys. Pisses me off yaar!!

So they meet again. Nerd and Playa and this time Playa smitten by the nerd who isn't a nerd anymore but got this amazing makeover and all. Gurrrll, once advice.. if he love you for your looks, then gurrll, he don't love you at all.

So girl wears bra and lehenga for her friend's wedding and her friend's parents are like "Cool yo... we da cool parentz." And one guy has like "Two Lakhs" hotel bill and the groom is like "Yaw, ya'll know why she's marrying me now... yo yo.." *wink wink*

And now the bride is out of focus.... zooom ... here comes the bridesmaid and the best friend sneaking up, having their own honeymoon in each others mouths. And that's when the girl realizes that she shouldn't have done it. Damn, girl, you an idiot? I realized it sooner than you did and Believe me, I AM SLOW!

So what she realizes is that the longer she is with him, the harder she is falling for him and the harder he is getting to reach.... (what up promiscuous referance!!! )

And in the end the douche decided he has to settle in life. And they call me slow!

He falls in love. FINALLY! And the nerd finds her lover. FINALLY! *Man, stuff like this doesn't happen in real life*

So that's how you get a guy to fall for you? Lemme check my list.

Bra - Check
Makeover - Check
Playing hard to get - Check
Rana Duggabati - Awwwh, man!

In the end everyone is happy except for the guy who died. He is up in heaven like "Follow your dream, son... just kidding, I left cuz the movie was shitty as fuck"

And we are left like "O.O" And then Badtameez Dil begins playing and people like "Yo, man, let's get outta here before the characters come to life."


Yeh Jawani Hain Deewani - I give it 9.5/ 10


9.5/10 on the crap meter!!

No comments: